Training and changing and loving
There is a great deal of thought that goes into destroying most relationships. It takes time and energy to get close enough to another human being to actually separate at all, rather than just passing by each other.
While I continue to advocate 'pure, passionate and perfect' loving relationships, to my frustration and even disappointment at times, I still believe that it were better to have loved and lost...
One of the issues that often arises is about changing our partners. The 'conventional' wisdom is that we can't change the people that we are with. Yet, without trying to save them, there are always things that we can do to help each other grow and expand and sometimes to let go of the things that hold us back. It can be dangerous of course to do such things... if they really do grow and change, you never quite know whether you'll like what they become - or if they'll like you once they have!
I know of a guy putting together "The Girlfriend Training Program" (which is really a boyfriend training program branded to be confrontational), yet when I read that the article in the NYTimes was the most read article in the last 30 days, it occurred to me that there are a lot of people who really want to do some fine tuning on their relationships.
It's not just intimate relationships that we want and need to fine tune either. Social relationships are inevitably sources of conflict and misunderstanding; we need to learn to clearly communicate how we want and expect to be treated if we actually want to make things better.
I was speaking with a friend about their friend's relationship. She's a beautiful spirit, looking to give love and share love, wanting to connect deeply, intimately and profoundly. Yet her man 'treats her mean and keeps her keen', without ever really opening up to her or sharing a fraction of the love that she desperately craves. She is stopping herself from having the relationship that she purports to want by not communicating openly and honestly what she wants and needs - even if she does it verbally, surely that she 'puts up' with what she is given communicates far more powerfully that his current behaviour is acceptable.
Sometimes I wonder where the limits lie with our 'training' of those around us. While we can say that we can try to change the 'little things', how can we really tell the difference anyway. And with the majority of stress in our lives actually coming from the 'minor' annoyances, sometimes the little things are the big things.
Perhaps more significantly, how often do we try to change others instead of dealing with the real problem by by changing ourselves...
posted by Daniel @ 9:59 am
4 Comments:
One of the things I am looking into at the moment is the concept of the Human Aura. This perhaps may shed some light on what you are talking about here. Ever noticed you had a bad day and people keep clear of you, or you may have perhaps come across a person and found their energy rather negative or disuading? I believe that as humans we all have an aura which radiates energy being part of our personality and existence. When you mention Dan some of the experiences in your comment, perhaps this may in fact have a connection with the human aura as the aura is that which bounds us and we can feel and experience. Ever notice people who have negative personalities do not attract others to them and ever wondered why? Perhaps by looking into the concept of their aura releasing negative energy may be the problem. I remember once reading about John F Kennedy and people within his presence having the feeling 'within Kennedy's presence you felt the room energise and the sense of all that crackle within his presence'. Perhaps this is one example of how such a positive aura extracted so many people to Kennedy and made him one of history's most notable people. Perhaps auras have a role to play in making people stand out more amongst others and become leaders?
Walking through the Southbank markets tonight, I saw a Kurlian photographer at work; exploring aura is a fascinating area from which mainstream science still can learn. Anecdotes are wonderful glimpses of Truth, but they remain just glimpses that are of little widespread value until the broader lenses of science can be applied.
To me, auras can be a tool... a tool only as powerful and only as positive as the individual wielding that tool. If you believe in aura concepts, as I understand it, the Great Task remains to purify our own aura by releasing that which is not pure love. This path is the same as that followed by so many of our great spiritual lights - living and breathing in loving forgiveness and peace.
Working on purifying our Aura can be achieved over time and allowing positive energy to flow into us. One such means of 'energising' an Aura could be to disover the use of Eastern medicine and Acupuncture. Such techniques I believe do unlock disturbances or blocks within our bodily pathways to perhaps even energise our Aura as well?
One of the difficulties we confront as Australians is the cutting down of tall poppies. Rather than fearing a person who prospers, we should understand and be inspired by their journey. I was fortunate in my life and feel proud to have obtained an education. When I say this however, you need to implement what you say realising people's concerns. Having this opportunity has allowed me to question information that is presented to me and ocassonally you encounter those who misread you as being perhaps better than them. I remember a famous line in "The Great Gatsby" to where a character Nick Caraway said "Whenever you feel like criticising anyone, just remember that not all the people in this world have had the same advantage that you have". Everyone has a special talent and we are all an individual and unique 'blue print' from God. Some people put themselves down when they don't realise they have unique abilities and talents unlike others. Instead of exploring these talents, they tend to reveal the negative qualities that they possess. The Mower Man who cuts the lawns of my parents house has a unique talent in that he has successfully acquired and runs several properties, and some other people I have met share a wealth of information and hold simple jobs that perhaps other people overlook. One of the things I did while a student at the University of New England, was to become a Scout Leader. I realised that for the boys within my troop that they all had different talents and communicating with them was not easy. I want to get them exploring and thinking and being proud of their achievements but being only young, I found it an impossible task. Imagination is a beautiful tool when implemented. At my church, we have a Sunday School and children love to hear the stories of an elder who speaks them so well. It is a great feeling to see these children keen to attend the Sunday School and look forward to an event which fosters imagination and spiritual growth. Indeed as a society we have tended to drift away from fun and imigination and this is so very sad in our society. The recent Harry Potter was a great piece of writing that inspired children and people to think and we can only hope that such works continue.
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