Mathematics and sex???
Mathematics can be used in many ways, one of the more creative being to show that your odds for having a successful relationship increase if you get with at least 12 people!
While some of my friends might continue to be fixated (and not without cause) on finding that one right person and settling down to the happily-ever-after life, it would seem that such an approach is not necessarily as effective overall.
There are many relationship models. I'm currently playing with a 3-factor model, based around the labels of Mind, Body and Spirit, within the context that I give the shorthand of Love.
- Mind
Parties need to share attitudes, interests and a framework through which greater appreciation can be developed. Attitudes should not be identical, lest one party be redundant; nor should interests, lest they lose their sense of identity; though closer frameworks of discussion can prove valuable.
- Body
Couples should be physically attracted, and have shared lifestyle and activities. Physical attraction is an essential component for a great relationship; shared lifestyle and activities give both the context to relate and share life experiences, and indicate shared values and interests. Shared lifestyle would include geography and living conditions; Shared activities would include travelling and typical time priorities.
- Spirit
Currently, I would identify three elements to spiritual connection: Life purpose, Spirituality and religion, and Connection. A shared sense of life purpose gives couples a powerful bond of understanding and conduct, and includes not just our seldom known external goals and objectives, but also compatibility between our view on the nature of life itself. Spirituality focuses more on more practical implementations of that world view, such as religious affiliations and practices. Connection refers to a deep sense of understanding and appreciation for the other person, a state of being where some individuals sense how another is thinking or feeling in a given moment, and perhaps where two people feel that they have been guided to be together.
- Love
Love is the framework within which great relationships is possible. This includes concepts like a shared vision for the future, growth-motivated individuals who are letting go of their past, motivated to support and nurture each other, and giving unconditional love.
posted by Daniel @ 11:27 am
4 Comments:
I like the quote from Mark Twain who was the famous American Author of "Huckle Berry Thin" who said "Man is the blushing animal. Only man blushes or has need to blush". Unlike other animals there is a greater process and need to implement our feelings and desires in a careful manner. Finding true love is often difficult and knowing the correct methods of playing the love game can be often hard to obtain. Your guide is a good one and a plan of action is but one way to find both happiness and prosperity. When we think of the subject of Love and happiness there are probably more poems and songs written than any other thought or subject? The one human emotion that separates us from other animals and species.
Love is a powerful emotion and behaviour; perhaps some might even regard it as an emotion cluster, perhaps even a 'metaemotion'... there are many ways to look at what 'love' actually is. Of course the Greeks has a number of words for our love, and early models of relationships used these (eg agape, eros and luge) to contrast the different aspects of love.
Rather than leaving it as "it's complicated", I'm interested in exploring the underlying structure... not just of what is observed, but of what could be, and what it is when it is great...
Hi Dan,
Your 3-factor model, shown within the framework of "love", in short, spoke to me of individuals who not only make it possible, but positively nurture each others' personal growth by being willing, able and connected enough to listen and love and (further) enliven the other on (part of) their life journey.
I think this sort of connection and love can occur between any (two) individuals, but as between those who are physically attracted to one another, it often manifests in a lover-type relationship. As between those who are not sexually attracted to one another, it manifests as deep friendship.
Do you think that this model is based upon a "permanent" or long-lasting time frame for relationships (because it is, by implication, an "evolving" thing) or whether such a model can work just as well for a more "temporary" relationship?
Thankyou for YOUR inspiration!
I felt the way that you expressed my frame of reference (in your para 1) was really beautiful.
I think that the lover/ deep friendship distinction is quite insightful, and that you are right to observe that I am referring to transient and enduring relationships equally. A relationship need not be enduring for it to be precious; while the stability and certainty that are gained through an extended pairing are valuable for many of us, we should remember that the vast majority of societies studied through human history have not involved monogamous life-long pairings. Some of the most remarkable and precious interactions that we have are only fleeting.
Some might call these 'spiritual relationships', relationships in which people come together to grow and learn and share. In such a bond, it is appropriate to move in different directions when the lessons that have come to be learnt together have been learnt... not to be resentful and bitter about what what could have been but wasn't to be, but instead to be grateful for what is and for what was.
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